When people speak of Christianity, it is often described exclusively as either a religion or a relationship. Those who argue that it’s purely a relationship oftentimes see religion as a negative thing, at least for Christianity. Religion is typically seen as a stiff set of rules held by stiff people wearing their stiff clothes holding their stiff noses in the air as they judge the sinners around them. The Christianity-is-a-relationship crowd tends to place emphasis on love, acceptance, and freedom. On the other hand, the ones who see it as a religion seem to have a more encompassing view of what Christianity is, in my opinion. Yes, it is love and acceptance and freedom. But it also includes structure, rules, and some of the less feel-good aspects like “the wrath of God.”
However, those in the relationship crowd aren’t very different from those in the religion crowd when it all boils down to it. Think about what a relationship is, whether it be between spouses, friends, family, or employees/employers. There are rules, whether spoken or unspoken, written or unwritten, that govern whether the relationship is going to be healthy or not. A healthy relationship has boundaries. One or all parties involved understand that there are certain things that they shouldn’t do if they want to continue in harmony with the other participant(s). A husband knows that certain things will make his wife legitimately unhappy and that other things will bring her happiness and security. Some things may have more bearing on the trajectory of the marriage than others. A cheating spouse is more at risk of causing the marriage to end than a spouse who forgets to take out the trash. Or, in an employee/employer relationship, stealing time is more detrimental than stealing a pen or paperclip. Either way, it’s understood that no matter the relationship, there is typically a strict set of do’s and don’ts if you want the relationship to last. I feel that perhaps, more often than not, those who adhere to a strict mindset of Christianity being a relationship and not a religion want to do away with the religious aspect because they don’t think it’s should be about rules. To this, I agree. It shouldn’t be about rules. It should be about the object that we want to have a relationship with. I didn’t marry my wife for it to be about rules, but I did get married knowing that there are rules that I would have to abide by if I want the marriage to work. Some rules are universal, like don’t cheat. Some rules are more specific to the relationship because of the individuals involved. My wife doesn’t like her steak well done, so I know not to let it cook on the grill for longer than she would like. If I messed up the steak once or twice, she’ll forgive me, but if I do it every time, she may feel as if I don’t care or am doing it out of spite.
The problem with some in the religious crowd is that it has become about rules. The relationship has been completely dismissed for a checklist. Usually, it is a checklist of negatives. Don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t wear that, don’t say that, don’t go there, don’t watch that. It can easily become (or at least be seen as) a joyless list of impossible commands to appease a joyless and angry God. Many people would rather do without such stringency.
So people do away with the “religion” and its rules. Relationship feels better. It comforts. It brings peace. It brings freedom. It lifts up and encourages. Some say they’re not religious but are “spiritual.” There are various reasons one may claim to be spiritual, but one of the reasons is often a rejection of the rigidity of religion. Some even go further and reject it all together. (Sadly, some people who reject religion aren’t very good at relationships either. They want the security that either may bring but they also want the freedom that makes neither an option. You can’t live as a single person and expect a happy marriage. You can’t be employed but live as though you have no job.)
I feel that what’s missing on both sides is a true understanding of what Christianity is supposed to be. It’s both a religion and a relationship. Merriam-Webster defines religion as “a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices.” Britannica sites religion as: human beings’ relation to that which they regard as holy, sacred, absolute, spiritual, divine, or worthy of special reverence. Both definitions, along with any other I could find, describe what Christianity is. However, that’s like looking at a book and describing it by giving the definition of a book.
Christianity is so much more.
In the New Testament of the Bible, Jesus is often seen rebuking the religious leaders of his day (this fact is frequently used as proof that our faith isn’t a religion). But like the religious leaders in Jesus’ time and those in modern times, the religion is weaponized. The Pharisees and Saducees used the Jewish religion and its rules hypocritically. They misunderstood what the law was given for. One such example was when Jesus healed a blind man on the Sabbath. According to the “rules,” no work was supposed to be done on the Sabbath. This law was (and still is) a good law because it requires rest. Any hard worker understands that sometimes you have to be made to take a breather. Don’t work yourself so that you don’t get time to enjoy yourself and your loved ones. Take a day to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Take this day as a day to gather and worship God. Instead, the religious leaders made it another burden on the people. When Jesus healed the blind man on the Sabbath, he was chastised. John 9 tells us,
“They brought to the Pharisees the man who had been blind. Now on the day which Jesus had made the mud and opened the man’s eyes was the Sabbath…Some of the Pharisees said ‘This man is not from God, for he does not keep the the Sabbath.’” (verses 13-16 NIV).
While the Pharisees knew the letter of the law, Jesus understood the spirit of the law. The rule concerning the Sabbath kept someone from lifting burdens on that day. Jesus freed a man from his burden that day.
When God gives rules, they are to help us. To keep us from trouble. Sometimes, the trouble is unknown to us. Rules aside, the Bible is full of relational statements. God desires all who he created in his image (that’s all humans) to be his sons and daughters. But as I mentioned earlier, to have a healthy relationship with anyone, there are expressed boundaries set by one or more parties. God himself has expressed what his boundaries are. He has said that there are things we ought to do and things we ought not do. The goal isn’t in the oughts and ought nots. The goal is the object of our affection. That object is God. The all-knowing lover of our souls knows what benefits us and what hurts us even when we don’t. Just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s beneficial in the long run, just like one may use maladaptive coping mechanisms to deal with stress, but in the end, it leads to more hurt.
James 1:15 ESV
Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
So I’ll end this by saying that yes, the Christian faith is a religion, technically. The goal, however, is relationship. It is what God desires to have with us. It is the reason Jesus came and died: so that we may be reconciled into right relationship with him when we have strayed. But for us to stray means that there was a breach in the relationship. We sometimes walk away by doing what God has expressed displeases him. In the same way, many of us have had failed relationships because we or the other party did something that had negative repercussions on the bond. If we continue, the bond can be severed forever. Likewise, if we continue in ways that displease God, we are severing our bond. One day, it’ll be too late to reconcile.
Read also: James 1:27, Luke 15
Derrick Stokes
Theologetics.org 